Ramblings

Suicide. Just seeing the word written down makes my stomach churn. Using it in the sentence “My brother committed suicide” is even worse. Or at least it is some days. At other times it feels like I’m talking about someone else. After all, this is the kind of thing that happens to other people, isn’t it?

Except this time, we are other people. This did happen to us. My brother did take his own life on a Tuesday afternoon in May.  We might never be able to comprehend, but we do have to find a way to accept, and slowly figure out how to move forward. But how do you get back to normal when normal has no meaning any more?

But like the smart bastard he always was, he even wrote that down for us, in the form of a song he wrote years ago about the death of a friend:

When everything you have to say is said, and courage is a word

Yesterday takes your hand, tomorrow goes to bed

I hope you find your strength, I hope you’ll be my friend

And If I had a wish, then beggars would be riding round the bend

And you can hold him in your mind

And you have life, and you have time

And he will smile every time you dry your eyes

I’ll never forget the day you stood and told them all the truth

Even though the world had moved out from under you

There’s so much to mend, so many things amiss

And if I had that wish, then beggars would be riding round the bend

And you can hold him in your mind

And you have life, and you have time

And he will smile every time you dry your eyes

No you don’t have to hate the world, you only need to breathe

And you don’t have to find a reason, you only need to be

And fate is just a fucking word when love is all you need

Life will always sing a song for spirits that are free (that are free)

And you have life, and you have time

And he will smile every time you dry your eyes

And you can hold him in your mind

And you have lived, and you have cried

And he will smile every time you dry your eyes

Miss you, A x